A Peak

Sometimes I imagine that my life is a reality TV show. I have cameras always following me around, documenting my life. I have a small closet with a single camera to disclose everything. I pretend I'm being interviewed. Basically, I just pretend that someone out there cares enough to watch my boring life.

Ultimately, it's just my imagination.

In reality, I'm returning from school. It's mid-October, chilly with a sharp wind. The trees have all turned a muddy-brown shade and everything is starting to look ugly. In the mornings, I can see my breath in the air. Right now, my nose is getting a little cold- that itching feeling that I hate. I rub my nose to keep it warm.

I skip two of the wooden steps as I reach the door. It's a duplex house, white and boring. The first neighbors had flowers on their part of the porch, but the new neighbors have nothing to show that anyone even lives there, except for the white blinds in the windows that are always down. I don't even know who the neighbors are, I never hear a noise from that side. Our front porch is pretty clean, it's the back yard that shows that people live here- a lawn chair, two bikes, the recycling that keeps piling up and never actually recycled. We keep the front porch clean, but mostly that's out of security to keep items from being stolen than anything to do with pride.

The house is dark- the heavy curtains blocking out any natural light and all other indoor sources turned off. It feels stuffy, so I open a few windows to let in fresh air. With the chilly breeze streams in the street noises; a few cars honking in the rush-hour traffic, a distant siren and people yelling down the street.

I call “Hello!” but there is no reply.

Ben and Rae are sitting totally hypnotized, in front of the television. I come closer beside them and get their attention.

“Where's Beth?”

“She left a little while ago.” Rae responds.

Hopefully Rae means about two minutes ago. But I'm not going to get into that.

“What would you guys like for dinner?”

They both cheer “Macaroni!” in unison. That's my specialty- macaroni and cheese and hot dogs.

I leave them to watch their cartoons and start boiling water.

Steph calls while I'm grilling the hot dogs. She's complaining that her mom refuses to let her spend the night at her older friend's house. Almost all of Steph's friends are older, I'm the only friend she has in her grade. But even I'm old for my grade, so maybe that doesn't count. I listen to Steph complain, and agree with her in all the right places. We gripe about the same English teacher and her bad breath. Steph's mom demands that she get off the phone and eat dinner, so we say good-bye. I'll see her at school tomorrow.

Before seven o'clock, Beth returns. She comes in with plastic shopping bags on her arms and dumps them on the kitchen table.

“Hey there.” I can't figure out her tone- either she's stressed and trying to hide it under poorly acted cheerfulness, or she's a little pissed off.

I give a weak grin.

“So where were you?” She demands. So, she's pissed off. “I had to leave the kids because I couldn't wait for you anymore.”

“Sorry.” I don't offer an excuse. I don't have one- I just stayed with friends after school to hang out.

“Well that's nice, but it doesn't help me when I need to go somewhere! I can't leave an eight year old in charge!”

Yet, you did. I stop it before it rushes out of my mouth, not the right response. “So, what did you buy?” I ask, changing the subject to the contents of the bags.

“A few clothes, some house stuff.”

“The occasion?” I inquire. We're practically a first-of-the-month house, as in we only have money on pay-days, but it's not really welfare money, so the term doesn't exactly fit.

Beth smirks to show that she's proud of herself. “I got a full-time position for a little while.”

So, she's celebrating. But she didn't go overboard. She just got a few new things- shirts for Rae, new shoes for Ben, perfume for herself and some candles for the house.

Drew calls. He just finished work, we talk for a little while. He wants to take me to a concert next month. I would love to go, but I'm not going to get my hopes up. He would try, I know that, but he's living on his own now and I don't want him to think he has to do it for me. Maybe I could get the money for my own ticket. We argue about it and he pulls out the 'I'm the man' comment which irritates me, but also makes me smile a little that he wants to be chivalrous or whatever.

He says 'I love you' before hanging up. It's something he just started. We've told each other 'the three words' before, but only at special times, not on a nightly basis. I say it back, feeling a little silly, like a girl with a crush.

Beth tells me about her new position; a receptionist. She answers phones and takes notes and copies things. Office work, so she needs to dress nice. We pick out a few cute outfits for her to wear and decide that she needs to buy a new pair of black dress shoes, the ones she has are too worn out.

I clean up the kitchen and wash a few dishes, but leave a small pile in the sink when I start to get sleepy. My backpack is still on the floor in the living room, I never even looked at any of my homework, but it's too late now.

I wake up at 6:00 am. I've gone through a few phases already- my 'emo' phase, where I wore tons of black clothes and wrote morbid poetry. I wasn't depressed, I just wanted to be in a 'feel sorry for me' club. It was stupid. And then I went through a diva phase where I always had painted nails and would wake up early and curl my hair or put lots of make-up on. Now I just shower and let my hair dry in it's natural, straight state. I don't wear much make-up, anything that takes less than a minute, which usually means eyeliner and mascara. I get dressed, same jeans as yesterday and hunt for my matching purple sock before I give up and just wear plain white socks.

Then I get Ben and Rae up. I send them both in to splash water on their faces, helping them to open their eyes and 'wash the sleep away' as Beth says. I pick out clothes for Ben, and make sure that Rae is dressed in something suitable. She wants to wear a skirt to school, I argue with her that it's too cold and she whines before putting pants on.

We're all eating cereal when Beth comes out. She makes some quick lunches for Ben and Rae- applesauce, sandwich and granola bar for each. She kisses Ben and Rae on the foreheads before they rush out the door. I walk with them two blocks, where they meet their school bus. Some other parents are waiting there with their kids, one of the moms knows Rae and smiles at me. I wave good-bye and head across the street to walk to my school.

In the winter, I'll take the bus. But it takes almost the same time to walk as to take the bus, and I hate standing around and waiting. When it gets really cold, I'll stick with the bus and not walk through the snow.

I get to school with about ten minutes to spare. I don't go to my locker, I never really use it anyway. Homeroom is open, so I grab my seat and attempt to get a little homework done before I go to my first class.