Over the weekend, I work on stuff for English. The space this paragraph takes up doesn't do justice to the amount of time I spent re-writing those essays. I wrote and wrote. And edited. And read and re-read. I forgot about eating dinner because I was so busy. I almost said 'focused', but I don't think I was really that focused. I didn't enjoy it- I just want to pass English.
Ugh. I can't believe I spent so much time on something I don't even care about.
Looking at the red lines that Mrs. Billings had marked on my first essays, I couldn't figure out what I did wrong or how to make it different, sometimes I just wanted to give up and rip the paper.
I asked Beth to help me, but she was getting ready for a date with James. "He's going away again Sunday night." She reminded me. Then she left me to watch Ben and Rae for the next three hours.
Even though James is away driving all the time, I feel like she gets to see him more than I get to see Drew. I haven't seen Drew since Thanksgiving, but we talk on the phone every night.
Drew keeps asking me about school every time he calls me. Maybe I should have him look at my essays, except Beth doesn't want him over while she's not here. So stupid. We aren't gonna do anything. She brings James back here, so hypocritical or whatever the word is.
Anyways, Drew is sort of getting annoying with bugging me about school all the time. I mean, I already have Randy on me about it, I don't need anyone else. And after I spent my whole holiday weekend re-writing those dumb essays, no one should be bugging me at all.
I decided to write some poems for the extra credit. I'm not really sure how to go at it, but I have to do something, quickly. I only have a few weeks before the end of the semester.
Should I even bother with this? I mean, re-taking English wouldn't be that bad. And there's no sure thing I'll pass anyway. Why should I spend this much time if there is still a chance that I'll just fail?
I finally finished my re-writing the English essays. I didn't do any of my homework, but I'll try to do it later. I made Rae and Ben go to bed about an hour later than they were supposed to. I lost track of time. But Beth wasn't home, so she won't know. Ben fell asleep right away, he was so tired. Rae wanted me to brush her hair before she went to bed. So I brushed it until it was soft and shiny. Rae hugged my shoulders and gave me a light kiss on the cheek.
"Night, night, Jemma."
She might be a brat, but every once in a while she was a sweet little girl.
I turned off the light and watched her put her head down on the pillow and close her eyes. She'll fall asleep soon, she looks tired.
I talk to Drew on the phone. Of course he asks about my homework, and is actually surprised that I finished re-writing both essays.
"Do you have no faith in me?"
He laughs. "Sorry. I just didn't expect you to spend your whole day!"
"I'm tired."
"I was thinking." Drew begins.
"Uh oh- should I be scared?"
"Well, since Thanksgiving didn't end as the best day ever, and you've been so busy-- we should go on a real date."
I sat up a little bit.
We decide to go out for dinner Monday night, and I can't wait.
Monday comes, and when I get home from school, Ben is outside, playing with dead, damp leaves. He greets me with a handful of them.
Beth is home, messing around in the kitchen.
"Hey Jemma."
"Hi."
The house looks dark. The kitchen light seems more dim than normal and its chilly inside. Everything seems dreary, like Ben's leaves.
"Rae, would you color in your room?" Beth says, pushing Rae away from the living room and to her bedroom.
I am still in the dark kitchen, my shoes and jacket still on. I realize why the kitchen looks dark; Beth pulled the curtains back over the windows.
"What's up?"
Beth takes a seat at the kitchen table and turns over a notebook with writing on it.
"There is good news. I got a job."
That didn't take long. Everything will be fine.
"A cashier, again."
Beth doesn't look happy about it, though. "The problem is, it's part-time. Only 25 hours a week."
She pushes the notebook towards me. "I've been calculating everything and with Christmas coming up and the winter stuff... we just can't do it."
Beth had a list of items- rent, groceries, and an estimate for heat as well as an item for "Christmas" which took $150 dollars. The amount she had estimated to make every month at her new job didn't cover all the items on the list.
"I need you to help out, Jemma. I know it's asking a lot, but we need you right now. It won't be for forever, just for the next few months. I'm hoping to get something else, more money, full-time. Until then, could you get a job?"
My palms start sweating and I rub my hands together to make them dry. The chair I'm sitting in feels like it's shrinking and I'm lower to the ground than I was two minutes ago. I blink my eyes and squeeze my hands against each other, feeling the heat between my palms.
I realize I am slowly nodding- with my eyes locked in place but not really seeing anything. I blink again and the focus comes back, I am nodding at the notebook in front of me. Family. Family comes first. And then I nod with the intent for it to be a response to Beth.
I forgot about my date with Drew, and started eating dinner with Beth and the kids. Half-way through my salad I jumped up and ran to my bedroom to get dressed.
I look through the pile of clothes on the floor and some shirts draped on hangers to find something nicer than what I'm already wearing. I go for some dark, not stained jeans and a sweater. I put in some dangly earings and a necklace, but I don't have time to put on any make-up before Drew arrives.
Drew showed up right on time, looking wonderful with rain-covered hair and smiling when he saw me. We run through the rain, Drew trying to cover us with the umbrella, but you can't run and hold an umbrella effectively. The subway was crowded with others dashing from the rain. Some were just people sitting off to the sides of the stairs or playing instruments in an sheltered area.
Drew and I squished next to each other on a seat meant for one and tried to avoid the dripping coats of other passengers.
"Where are you taking me?"
Drew grinned, but wouldn't tell. We pass three stations. At the forth, Drew stands up and pulls me with him. We dash down exactly two blocks, and at the corner of the second Drew pulled open a door and we ran out of the rain. Its a cute little restaurant with small candles on each table and waiters in white dress shirts.
It seems expensive, but Drew says it's okay because we haven't really been on a date in a long time, it's like interest on a debt, or something.
We eat off each other's plates and talk about our friends. It was a wonderful night.
I didn't tell Drew about the job.
I can't exactly say what would be wrong with it- I mean, Drew has a job. Isn't it supposed to be a good thing when someone my age gets a job? Learning responsibility... being mature... something like that?
I almost feel scared to tell him. Which is stupid. I shouldn't feel scared. Maybe that's not the right word... maybe I just know him well enough to know his reaction.
It would ruin our night. And the next two days.
I'll tell him. I mean, I don't want to lie to him or not tell him something on purpose. But just not now, on this wonderful night together.
It stopped raining. But now it's cold.
The winter lights are already up along the poles, some shaped like snowflakes, another that looks like a bell. I like when people wrap the dead, naked trees in white lights, the trees look so depressing during the day, but at night they look beautiful.
We walk a few blocks, but it's pretty cold, so we head back to the subway.
In the morning, Beth helps make breakfast. She's leaving for work right away.
"Jemma, I'll be back at two, so I can watch Rae and Ben."
"Okay."
"Jemma."
I'm almost out the door. She doesn't have to say it, I know what she's talking about. Actually, I would like her to not say it. I don't want to hear the words. "Okay!" I yell and dash out the door because I don't want to hear the actual words.
Right after school, I fill out applications for jobs at near-by fast food places that are always hiring. At the last one I go to the manager comes out and shakes my hand. He invites me to sit at a booth in the back and asks some cliche questions.
"Why would you like to work here?"
Because I want a pay check. "I like people and would like to do something that means working with people."
"Describe yourself in three words."
Human. Female. Teenager. "Helpful. Mature. And polite." Polite? Ugh, that sounds so cheesy.
I got the job.
I look back to the other employees- they are all wearing dark-blue visors and slumping their shoulders.
I can start on Thursday.
Yay.
I walk back home. My backpack feels heavy and full of homework. Almost a week's worth, now.
They started eating dinner without me. Rae and Ben are playing with their maccaroni and Beth is demanding that they eat it.
"Hey Jemma."
I grab a plate from the cupboard and take a seat.
"I got a job."
