Chapter 6 Burnt

“Analogy” was written across the chalk board at the front of the room in English class. Steph rushes in the class just before the final bell and sits next to me. She leans across her desk and looks like she's about to tell me something, when Mrs. Billings begins class.

“What is abstract?” Mrs. Billings asks.

“Art that I can't understand.” Someone from the back of the class yells. A few people laugh. Steph rolls her eyes at me.

Mrs. Billings explains that abstract is something that you can't really explain, it's subjective, it means different things to different people. It's feelings. It is something that isn't physical, isn't able to be held.

“Let's get some examples. Say something that is abstract.”

Love, Hope, God, and Imagination all go up on the board. “Good answers.” She adds Trust, Truth and Home.

“What is the opposite of analogy?”

“Unanalogy?” The same loud kid from the back of the room yells. No one laughs this time. Steph and I, and like four other people in the class turn and stare at him. He looks embarrassed.

“Something 'concrete'. Just like pavement, something that is 'concrete' is physical and real and hard- touchable.” Mrs. Billings assigns us to write up an analogy using something concrete to explain or describe something that is abstract.

“Do not use 'like' or 'as' in your analogy. I don't want to read any 'Hope is like a candle' or 'Love feels like blah blah blah. Just explain, and be creative. If I get any descriptions that a home is a house where a family lives- I will make you re-write it. Be creative!”

A bell rings to end class and we all stand up at the same time to go. Steph grabs my arm as I walk out, "You're coming, right?"
"Huh?"
"The party we were telling you about- you have to-have to- have to come!"

"Sure. When? Where?"

Steph hugs me. "Yay!"

The party is at some kid named Justin's house, he has a hot tub. Of course, it's Friday night, so Drew can't come, but I'm still going.

"How are you going to get out?" I ask Steph; her mom is so strict. She has to think up some new lie every time and they have to be good, because her mom investigates what she says. We tried to sneak her out once by saying she was spending the night at my house, but it didn't work because her mom was too suspicious and wanted to check with Beth to see if our story was straight. Now Steph can never stay at my house- not because Beth cares- Beth only cares about Drew being over.

"There's an away football game that night- against Plath. I'm saying I'm going to the game. Even if it ends at ten, it would take an hour to get back home that time of night. I can easily push it to midnight and get in trouble for missing curfew." Steph had to clean the whole house if she missed curfew. But she was grounded for a week if she snuck out of the house.

"What if she offers to pick you up from the game?"

"Shut up! Don't give the universe any ideas!"

Rae and Ben want to play at the park, so we all head out. Ben steps on every dry leaf on the sidewalk, smiling at the crunch underfoot. Rae skips along, humming a song to herself. I find a nice tree, nearly bare and settle down at the trunk. I take out a notebook with a cardboard cover almost completely black from my doodles and begin some lines of a song that's working itself out in my head.

We arrive back at home the same time as Beth. Ben sees her a little ways down the sidewalk and runs to greet her with a hug.

Ben tells Beth all about his field trip to the museum while Beth relaxes on the couch. I put a frozen pizza in the oven for dinner. I go to my bedroom, messy with dirty clothes in a corner and my bed hasn't been made all week. I throw my books across the bed and start on my homework. Vocabulary words for science and a few questions in math are done quickly. Then I pick up my notebook and flip to a page that is almost completely blank, except for the word 'Trust' written at the top.

“Hey Steph, what did you do for that English assignment?”

“I wrote about...” She ruffles through some pages. “Hope. Hope is a bird flying high in the sky. Hope's wings are wide and always open, flying.”

“Wow. That's really good!”
“Really? I thought it was kind of lame. I just ignored the whole part about hope and wrote about a bird. But then I got too much into it and wrote about a nest and trees. So I cut that part out.”
“Well, now I'm not sure what to do. I was gonna write on trust.”

“That's cool... dogs are supposed to be trustworthy.”
“It doesn't have to be just animals.”
“Oh, yeah.”
“I'll think of something.”

"Did your mom buy the football game line?"

"Sort of. She knows there's really a game- she wants to know who I'm going with. I can't say you, my mom will never believe that."

"Who are you going with?"

Steph giggled in the phone. "Felix Rubens."

"No!"
"Don't laugh at me- he's who I like this week."

"He wears those silly T-shirts!"

"I know."

"And his name is from like fifty years ago."

"But he has such nice hair! And he wrote me this really sweet note."

"Did he ask you already?"

"Yeah. And it will be nice to have a date at the party."

"Thanks for the reminder."

"Sorry."

"Jemma!" Beth was screaming.

The smoke detector was beeping- I forgot about the pizza and the kitchen was full of smoke. We opened the kitchen door and windows to air it out. The pizza was a hard, black disk. We had peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for dinner.

Drew calls on the phone just before I go to sleep. “Sorry to call so late. Just wanted to say good-night. So, good night.”

We don't talk long. Drew tells me about work, he likes being a manager. I talk about school and am proud of myself that I got all my homework done. He tells me to get some sleep and have a good day tomorrow. He pretends to tell me a bed-time story, but I tell him to shut up, in a nice way, and blow a kiss at him through the phone.

“Hey- I love you.”
“Me, too, sweetie.”

I hang up the phone and breathe out. I don't say those words a lot, usually in a card or when it's really romantic. Was telling me good-night romantic? I don't know. But I felt like I just wanted to say it, that's all.

The weather has gotten colder. I have to fight with Rae to get her to wear her winter coat. She doesn't want anything to cover her pretty pink sweater. Beth has done her hair up in cute pig tails and even let Rae wear a little lip gloss. She looks like a giant pink-covered doll and thinks she's a princess. Ben doesn't want to go outside in the cold. I ask Beth if she wants to walk them to the bus stop. But she doesn't want to, wearing sweat pants and drinking her morning coffee. I'm still not ready to go and rush around like crazy, my hair still wet from my shower and grabbing whatever sweater I can find. I look like I'm depressed because the only sweater I could find was black- to go with my black T-shirt and my black winter coat. My wet hair freezes a little on my walk to school and I promise myself that I will take the bus tomorrow. My nose is cold and has turned red and I every time I exhale I blow a white cloud out of my mouth.

Randy has some homemade candies in his office.

"Did you make these?"
"No." He smiles.

"Your girlfriend? Your mom?"

He just smiles. He never talks about himself, ever. "How are you?"

"Okay."
He asks about guitar lessons. I tell him I really enjoyed them, Mr. Evans is cool and I like learning guitar.

"How has your homework been coming along?"

"Good." That was true, I think I had everything handed in that was due for the week.

"Jemma, do you know what your midterm grades are?"
Ugh! "Whatever."

Randy pushes a paper with my grades on it, including teachers' comments across his desk.

"You aren't even supposed to see that! It's for me and my guardian to know!"

"Jemma, calm down."
I swear at him. "Don't tell me to calm down! Some sort of counselor you are- you should know that only pisses people off even more!"

Randy exhales. I can see him calculating something, his eyes moving, his fingers twitching. Then he cocks his head to the side, pushes his glasses up a little on his nose.

"Jemma, this is serious. But serious does not mean that you are in trouble. Please remember this is all about helping you."
I swallow and look away. My eyes are burning.

Randy pauses, until I look back at him. My eyes are still hot. "Okay. I'm not saying that guitar lessons are over simply because you don't have top-notch grades. The guitar lessons are connected to you attending school and completing your homework."

I nod that I understand.

"Your grades on the other hand, have caused some to wonder whether you are at the level you should be."

"What!"

"I mean to say that, perhaps you need extra tutoring, or that some of these classes you would do better at if you took them next year."

I cussed again, but not at him. Just at the school and that dumb piece of paper. I didn't even want to look at it.

"Spanish, particularly seems to be an area that your are struggling." I had an F. I could see it from here.

"You are also having some problems in English. We see that these areas are both connected to language and are wondering if you have, perhaps, a learning challenge in that area?"
This time the cuss words were directed at him.

"Jemma, that's enough. One more time and you're out of this office."
"I'll just leave. You can't make me stay."
"The door is not locked, you are free to go."
I pushed my weight harder against the chair. "Fine."

"Jemma." Randy said, calmly.

"Fine, I'm sorry." I mumbled. That was good enough for Randy, he went back to my report card.

"You are doing well in Science, Math, and Computers." Well, not 'well', but I was passing, that's what he meant.

"I'm not stupid, okay?"

"You're right. You are not stupid. A learning challenge is not about your intelligence, its about how you learn and helping the teachers at this school find creative ways to help you understand and absorb the information."
Ugh. Don't make it sound all nice and good. I'm not stupid and I don't need extra tutoring and I don't need to be in the retard class.

"Jemma, right now, we are just asking that you take a few evaluations to determine if some teachers at this school should adjust their teaching styles or give you more personal attention. Is this something you are willing to participate in?"

"No."

"Jemma, it's to help you. No one will know about it. You'll complete the forms here, in my office. It will be private."

"No. And you can't make me."

 I stared straight at Randy, knowing I had won.
"Alright." He consented, looking down. "I can't make you. I can only try to explain how it will help you."

"I'm not going to do it."

"Then, Jemma, you're jeopardizing your future and I think that is..." He exhaled and lifted his hands in the air. "sad." He finally finished the sentence.

"I'm done for the day." I announced and left.

And then I walked out of school. The security didn't see me and the day was almost done anyway. I couldn't think about anything- I was so mad. I wanted to scream at Randy. People in the school didn't know anything. What do I need to know Spanish for anyway? Stupid, stupid. I should just transfer schools or something.
I walked home. The house was empty. Creepy, almost. I hate when it's all quiet like this. I turned on the TV for some noise and went to my bedroom.
I checked the time. Rae and Ben would be back in less than an hour. This time Rae couldn't say anything about having to wait outside.
I opened my notebook and began to write. When I'm angry, I write songs. Actually, when I'm angry or sad or when I'm really happy, too. And when I read the song later, I can tell what mood I was in. The lines are short when I'm angry, like I'm yelling and running out of breath. That's the song now. Short lines with a lot of punch in them.

On Friday Steph comes over to my house after school, we picked out clothes for the party. Steph picks out a little tank top and these tight jeans. I just have to wear a warm jacket on the way. Steph takes her purse, because it's huge and we can stuff a towel and our swimsuits in there.

"Where are you going?" Beth asks, as we walk to the door.

"To a party."

"When will you be back?"

"Eleven?" I lie. I know it will be later than that, but I don't want her to tell me I can't go.

"Make sure you come back by then!" Beth yells while we walk out.

It's so cold outside, we walk as quickly as we can to the bus. Steph has the directions to the party. "We look good." Steph says, looking at us in the reflection of the bus.

She has her cellphone and texts with Felix the whole way, making plans to meet him at the corner away from Justin's house so they can walk into the party together.

Everything is happening in the basement, so the music can be up louder without anyone calling the cops. I get Steph and me drinks- the famous rule at all parties- get your own drinks; never trust a guy to bring you drinks. The hot tub was fun- but too crowded and when all the couples started coming, I wiggled out. Steph and Felix stayed in a little while longer. I found some other kids I kind of knew from school, one of the girls was tipsy already. The party only just started- how much could she have had to drink already?

Steph comes running up to me, waving her cellphone. "I have to leave- right now!"

"What happened?"

"I accidentally answered my phone! I'm such an idiot!"

"Your mom knows?"

"She wants to know why I missed my curfew! She said she's coming to the school to pick me up!"

"What are you going to do?"

"Get away from here! Say I took the wrong bus." That might work.

"I need to get at least close to where the school is! My mom is gonna kill me!"

She and Felix have a quick kiss good-bye, not enough to count as a real kiss, not that a watched, that would be weird. I go with Steph part of the way, planning every thing she could say to her mom. She's probably going to be grounded. And she wasn't even at the party very long.