Chapter 8 Bluish Clouds

I tell Beth about the meeting with Mrs. Billings.
"Are you in trouble?"
"I don't think so."
"Then what's the meeting about?"
"I think it's about my grades." I admit.
"What about them?"
I look at my feet. "I'm sort of almost failing." I said it quietly, but I know Beth heard me.
"Well, with Rae and Ben, I can't come. Bring any papers home and I'll sign them."

Tuesday, I have my guitar lessons. I really like them. Mr. Evans taught me how to do a scale. I feel like I'm learning a lot. He thinks I practiced since we last met because I remembered everything. By the end of the hour, I was watching Mr. Evans play notes written on paper- a simple song. I watch his fingers and how long he strums. Then he says for me to try it. I hesitate, but Mr. Evans helps me get started and reminds me that I'm practicing, not performing.

"Do you ever play in public?" I ask Mr. Evans.
"Sure!" He says, with a smile as he puts his gleaming guitar back in it's case.
"Where?"
"Some pubs and lounges." He winks at me. "Sorry, you'll have to wait until I play in a coffee shop to watch me live."
I grin back.
"Do you play with a band or something?"
"Not usually, just me and my guitar." He pats the guitar case like it's a pet.
"What do you play?"
"Songs I've written, mostly." I was going for jazz or country. I had no idea my old history teacher who knows all about wars and stuff is actually cool enough to write his own songs. I almost imagined him singing a love song, but that was too much- he probably sings about nature and history stuff.
"How can you do that?"
"What?"
"Just... like play your own songs?"
"Sure, it's unnerving the first time or so. But people are usually less judgmental of your work that you might think." He snapped the latches on his case to close it and stood to leave.
"Do you write songs?" He asks me, as he locks the door behind us.
"No." I shake my head. I would never play my songs for anyone.
"Believe me, as you learn to play guitar those creative juices will start flowing and you'll be writing songs."

"Its so cold!" Steph says when I meet her at the playground. Her nose and ears are pink. Rae and Ben's cheeks are both a rosy-pink from the cold, but they were having fun and don't want to leave.
"Beth will be mad if you guys get sick!" And I want to leave as soon as possible, to get home before Beth.
Beth knew I was taking free music lessons, but some part of me was nervous because I wasn't watching Rae and Ben. Beth didn't know that part; I wanted her to think that I just came home after school and watched them. And with the fight this weekend, I didn't want Beth to have any reason to say anything about me not doing my part to responsibly watch them.

Beth came back ten minutes after we returned to the house. I put fries in the oven and grill hot dogs on the stove. Beth hardly notices me when she comes in, she says a weak 'hello' and drops everything by the kitchen table. Her high heeled shoes, her purse and some papers.
She is still taking a shower when dinner is ready. We wait for her, but she comes out with her wet hair pulled up in a towel-turban and says she isn't hungry.
I make Rae and Ben both eat some carrot sticks before they can have seconds on fries- one carrot stick for every year of their age.
Finally, Beth comes out and asks if anyone wants ice cream for desert. Rae cheers "yippee!" and begs to put chocolate syrup on hers. Ben puts marshmallows in his. I melt some peanut butter in the microwave until it's warm and runny and pour it over mine.
Beth makes Rae and Ben take their baths, and they take turns, doing their homework while the other is in the tub. Rae had to follow the development of a caterpillar into a butterfly and after labeling the stages, color the pictures. I wish my science homework was like that. Thankfully, I had Patrick to help me out.
Rae goes to take a bath and Ben comes out in his cute car-patterned pajamas and his hair-still wet is half plastered to the side of his face, and half sticking straight up. He sits beside me, smelling like the fruity kid shampoo. I read with him, but he falls asleep, leaning against me before we finish.

I am in my room, finishing up my homework for science when Beth calls me. She's sitting in the nearly-dark living room. The TV is on, but it's muted and Beth isn't watching it, she's looking at her hands.
"I have some bad news."
I sit down beside her on the couch. My mind starts running with all the options of 'bad news' and I have to tell myself to shut up before I get too anxious.
"I lost my job."
Oh. The room starts expanding slightly and I inhale a large gulp of air to bring it back to size.
"We're gonna be okay." I tell Beth, in my most encouraging voice.
"I didn't get fired, or something- they just found someone permanent."
"I'm sorry. That sucks." We're gonna be okay- Beth's lost temp positions before, but she always manages to find a way to get things done.
"Listen. I don't want Rae and Ben to know."
Yeah, they are kids, they shouldn't have to worry about that.
"I won't say anything." I promise.
I can tell Beth feels really guilty, either about leaving Rae and Ben on Friday night or because of the job situation. She doesn't talk anymore, and I take that as my cue to leave. I get up and go back to my room. I just have to sleep now, there is no point to try to finish my science questions- I'll just copy off of Patrick.

I get a note in class from Mrs. Billings, reminding me that I'm supposed to meet with her today after school. Steph isn't in class, which I'm glad for. I wouldn't want to explain. Steph's not an 'A' student, but she's not failing English, or any other classes.
At lunch, I sit with Erina and Miles. "Where's Steph?"
"Skippin'." Erin says.
"Really? Isn't she already grounded?" Her scam didn't work out that well on Friday. Even if she tells the best lies ever, she's still going to be on more than a weekend cleaning.
"Yeah, that's why she's skipping. It's the only way she can have a date."
"With Felix?" Miles and I giggle.
"I never took him for a 'bad kid'." I'm referring to Felix skipping school.
"He just really likes her." Erin says.
"Too bad Steph'll end it next week." Miles and I giggle again.
"So what do you do on a date in the middle of the day?"
"Think about it- parents at work." Miles says- as if he's the one who invented it.
"Genius! Because if the school calls because she's skipping, she can just delete the message!" Sometimes, Steph really is brilliant in her schemes.

I hang out with Miles and Patrick after school- this time I know Beth will be home. We have burgers and listen to the buskers in the subway. Miles does his crazy dancing to the beats of this guy drumming for change. When he's finished dancing, three people give him some change. We all laugh and counted the eighty-two cents he got. "Man! This job's pay sucks!" Miles kept the eighty-two cents, but I don't know what he can do with that small of an amount.

I go back into the school. This time, a security guy asks to see my pass. I show him the note from Mrs. Billings and he watches to make sure I walk in the direction of her room. Really? I look like I'm going to vandalize the school? Stupid.

I arrive at the classroom just as another student and his parents are saying goodbye to Mrs. Billings. Mrs. Billings is dressed casually- I've never seen her in jeans before.

“Hello Jemma. Did your aunt come with you?”

I shake my head, embarrassed.

Mrs. Billings seems frustrated. “Did you explain to her how important this was?”

Yes.

“Did you tell her that you are on the verge of failing this class?”

Are you blaming me that she didn't come? "Yes." I look around my shoulder to make sure that the other kid and his parents are out of ear-shot.

"Well, I really need your aunt to be on board with this if you are going to make some progress."

I think a cuss word in my head. "Should I just leave?" Don't make come here and listen to you, then.

"No, no. I just really need your par-I mean- aunt, to understand and be the individual at your home to make sure that you are dedicated to this."

Yeah, than you don't want to talk to Beth. "Well, she said that she would sign any papers."

"Jemma, this isn't about papers- it's your education."

This sounds so much like Randy.

"I'm sorry!" Mrs. Billings throws her hands up in the air.

Uh...

"The whole atmosphere of this room- our conversation was all negative. I invited you to meet here to make a goal toward something positive, and I really need you, even more than your aunt to agree with this and be committed to it."

"Okay..."

"So, let's begin again." Mrs. Billings twirls around and when she completes her three-hundred-sixty-degree turn, she smiles really cheesy at me.

I nearly start to laugh. Really? She just spun around? Weird.

"Jemma, I'm glad you could come. Let's talk about class. As you know, you really need to work hard to pass this class."

"Okay."

"I've looked over your assignments and have considered your most recent work- the analogy, especially."

She looks at me seriously, like she asked me an obvious question and I'm just too dumb to answer.

"The only options I see involve re-writing two of the major essays and also completing some extra-credit assignments. You will also need a very good grade on your final."

Why is she making this sound like so hard- I can do that. Steph will help me. It shouldn't be that bad.

"How badly do you want to pass this class?"
I'm not killing anyone, if that's one of the requirements. "I'm willing to work for it." That was the right answer.

"Alright. Here are the assignments you need to re-write. And I will need at least one extra credit assignment a week from now until the end of the semester. It needs to be something following one of these options." Mrs. Billings circled two of the longest essay assignments on a list of all our class assignments and handed me another paper, listing requirements for extra credit.

The listings included a summary of a book, a journalism piece on a current event, a piece of original poetry at least 20 lines, or a 'creative word-sketch' and a few other options.

"And, if you would like a suggestion." Mrs. Billings reached back for the extra credit list. "Based on the work I've seen you do; I would say that your most promising options are the poetry and  word sketch." She underlined them. "Jemma, those aren't the easiest options- they require a lot of creativity. But I think you're up to it."