Chapter 9 Turkey

Thanksgiving.

Beth is awake first, and makes the turkey. I mean, she puts the turkey in the oven. I make the mashed potatoes from a box and dump green beans and canned soup in a pan for green bean casserole. I just follow the directions on the soup can, it's pretty easy.

Beth decorates with Rae and Ben's school crafts- hand-traced cut-outs that look like turkeys with thumb-shaped heads and exactly four feathers. She puts a nice tablecloth and candle on the table.

I get ready for dinner with Drew's family. Brown pants, blue sweater. I even curl my hair and use enough hair spray to make my hair stiff, just to make the curls stay. It takes me ten minutes to apply all the make-up. Okay, not really ten minutes, but longer than usual. I want to look nice.

James arrives, holding an apple pie he bought from the grocery store yesterday. He hugs Rae and Ben and tells me “Happy Thanksgiving.”

“I'm not staying. I'm having dinner with my boyfriend and his parents.”
“Oh. So just the family here for dinner?”
Uhh... what's that supposed to mean? I'm family. But I don't say anything, I just give him my best dirty-look and briefly make a plan to lick his spoon or something- but I don't know where he'll be sitting, so I just ignore him.

Drew knocks at the door. He's standing in the doorway, dressed in a nice button-down shirt and his nicest pair of jeans. Smelling really good. He looks great, handsome, even.

“You look pretty.”

I smile. “You too.”

I yell “Have a good day!” over my shoulder as I leave. No one responds. I just shut the door behind me.

Drew got a cab, and I feel rich sitting in the back, talking while we drive to his parent's house. Usually, I would have been nervous, but I'm too busy feeling important, looking out the window as we drive by. The sidewalks downtown are nearly empty and it feels like it's early in the morning, with the gray sky, cold air and quiet streets.

Drew's mom opens the door and shows me this huge smile. She hugs Drew and then turns to me with her arms spread apart- she hugs me, too. But I wasn't prepared to hug her back, so my arms just hang against my sides, squished against my hips and ribs when she squeezes me.

“I'm so glad that you could come!” She says, cheerfully.

Drew's dad waves 'hi' from across the living room. He comes over, and after the 'how are you' and 'how is work/school' bit, he tells me some lame joke that I smile at, but can't even fake a laugh for. He's nice, though and not creepy like Drew's mom.

Drew introduces me to his cousins, Amanda and Jamie: Amanda is a girl but looks sort of like a guy with her short hair back in a pony-tail and baggie pants, and Jamie is a boy but looks more like the girl in tight pants and a tight shirt. They don't ask me too many questions, and I keep seeing Jamie's eyes twitch at the TV, until he lets the conversation fade and gives it all of his attention. Drew's aunt, Aunt Liz is there, too. She is a little older than Drew's mom, but has more laugh lines than Mrs. Simmons will ever have. She sits beside me at the table- Drew on one side of me, Aunt Liz on the other.

I haven't eaten yet today, so when the meal starts, all I want to do is pig out. Aunt Liz wants to get to know me better. Nice, but really, I'm never going to see her again. I quickly swallow, which nearly chokes me and I start coughing and have to take a drink of water. My eyes are watering.

“Sorry. What did you ask?”
“What grade are you in?”
“Well, sort of eleven, sort of ten.”

“Hmm?” Aunt Liz asks. I should just have said eleven. Now I've given Mrs. Simmons more reason to not like me, now she'll think I'm not good enough for her son because either I'm too young, or I'm too stupid.

“In some of my classes, I am in ten and in others, eleven.”

“How old are you?”

I want to sound like I am advanced for my grade, instead of behind. But I can't lie. “Sixteen.” And now you think I'm too young to be with Drew.

“That's interesting.” Aunt Liz says, in a way I can tell she is trying to make me feel better or maybe end the subject.

“So you're advanced for your age?” Mrs. Simmons asked.

I look to Drew, who is drinking water and not even looking at me. Thanks a lot. “A few years ago, I moved around a lot and missed some school. I am supposed to be in the eleventh grade. I am trying to catch up.” Not that I am doing too good of a job at that right now. I should just lie. Why didn't I lie?

“Yeah, Jemma's been awesome about working hard at school.” Drew steps in. Thanks, a little late.

“Where did you move from?” Aunt Liz.

“Just here, in the city.” Now I really sound like I'm just a loser.

“So, what about your family? I would love to hear about them” Aunt Liz seems nice, I'm sure she's not meaning to make me seem like this freak that is just creating diversity at their dinner table.

“Well... my dad works on cars.” That's true. Maybe we can move on to another subject.

“And your mom?”

“Actually, I live with my aunt.”

Aunt Liz knows enough not to push it anymore. There is silence for a little while at the table. Jamie and Amanda don't say anything, they just eat. Amanda keeps texting on her cellphone and Jamie leans around to look at the television.

We clean off the table and wait an hour to let our stomach's rest. After we are able to move again, it's time for dessert. I spray the whipped cream on the pies before we hand them out in the living room. Mr. Simmons picked some family-friendly movie for everyone to watch while they unbutton their too tight pants and feel sleepy on the couch. Aunt Liz puts slices of pumpkin and apple pie on little dessert plates and Amanda takes them to the living room.

“Jemma, I'm sorry if I was too nosey.” Aunt Liz apologizes.

“Oh, it's not a big deal.” I shrug.

“How did you and Drew meet?” That should be a safe one, I'm sure she's thinking. Maybe I'll say we met at a kegger, or he sold me marijuana. That would be mean, even though Drew and I would laugh about it for weeks later. I just tell the truth- gym class.

“And how long have you been dating?”
“Like, a year and a half- a little less.”

“Wow, that's a long time.” I can't tell if she is impressed, or scared that Drew might stay with me for that long.

“What are your plans after high school?”

“Right now, I have to focus on just finishing high school.” Wow, I actually wasn't planning on saying that. I hope I don't sound like a loser who isn't going to graduate.

Mrs. Simmons comes into the kitchen. “Jemma, what do you want to do after you graduate?”

Ugh- what's she asking for? Because Drew went to work instead of doing what she wanted after he graduated? "I plan on going to college."

“Really? Which one?”
“I've been offered a scholarship to State.” Of course it's a lie, and she probably knows it. I just admitted I was behind in school, I'm sure she won't believe me.

“That's wonderful! Good for you.” I can't tell if she is being genuine, or using some strategy to make me feel bad.

I sit beside Drew on the couch. He puts his arm around me and tells his dad a funny story about a rude customer. The movie starts and someone turns off all the lights in the house so we feel like we're in some sort of movie theater with a tiny screen. Jamie and Amanda don't talk, but laugh the loudest at the movie. Aunt Liz makes little comments throughout the whole movie and Mr. Simmons keeps making fun of her in a joking way to get her to stop. Mrs. Simmons is silent, but she's sitting next to me.

Drew pulls me closer and kisses me on the cheek during a sappy scene near the end of the movie. I see Mrs. Simmons shift her eyes and give Drew a disapproving look. She does a head jerk, insinuating he's doing too much. She shifts her weight to the other end of the couch and Drew loosens his arm's hold around me. “Sorry.” He mumbles, to his mom, not me.

I try to cuddle more against him, but it's obvious he's not comfortable with his mom staring the way she is.

I go to get my coat, and stand near the door waiting for our taxi to arrive. I say good-bye to Aunt Liz, the cousins and Drew's dad. Drew is talking with his mom. Actually, he's nearly yelling, I can hear him- not his mom, only him.

“Mom! I've told you a hundred times- it's my decision!”

And then Drew comes out, his face red. He says a nice good-bye to his cousins, aunt and dad. He grabs my hand and leads me down the front steps. Thankfully, the cab just arrives and we don't have to stand out in the cold. Drew doesn't talk for much of the way home.

“Did you tell my mom you were going to State?”

Now I feel a little embarrassed. “Sorry.”

He doesn't say anything else back, just stares ahead. I want to know what his mom said, what exactly they argued about. But I can't think of how to say it and I don't want to make him more mad.

"Why did you have to even say anything?"
"Because of your nosey aunt!"
"Jemma, that doesn't mean you have to lie!"
"What was I supposed to say? That I'm a loser who's behind in school? That I'm failing. That Randy thinks I need to take special tests because I have a disability? Oh- yeah, why didn't I mention that I see a counselor once a week! You wanted me to lie!"
Drew stays looking angry for a little while again, then says “Are you really going to fail?”

“No!” I yell. Well, I'm not going to fail math and science. Mind your own business! But I can't say that part, because somehow, it is Drew's business. I want to rail him about his job- that he isn't in college and what good did high school ever do him for the job he has now?

I was going to go to Drew's apartment, but not now.

“I'm going home.” I announce, pulling out money to pay the difference in the taxi fare.

“Put your money away.” Drew says.

I slam the car door and run into the house. The 'whole family' is watching a movie, all squished onto the same couch together. I don't want anyone to know I was fighting with Drew, so I pull up a chair beside the family on the couch and pretend to laugh at the movie, but I'm not really watching it. After an hour, the phone rings. It's my dad.

“Happy Thanksgiving.” 

He had called earlier, but I was gone. He had Thanksgiving with his girlfriend and her family. It was good and he gained about five pounds just this afternoon. He needs a nap, but wanted call first. He doesn't say 'stick straight' this time. He just tells me to have a good day, 'Jem'.

The phone rings again. It's Drew. “Hey, I'm sorry.” are his first words. I just listen on the phone. “When you said that you wanted to go to college after you graduated, my mom went psycho. Do you even want to go to college- or did you just say that to tick my mom off?"
I'm not sure. So I don't answer.

"If you want to go to college, that's great. Whatever you want to do."

I'm not sure what to say. Am I supposed to apologize for something?

I realize I'm in the kitchen, and James is listening to my phone conversation. I take the phone to my bedroom and shut the door behind me.

“But I shouldn't have yelled at you. I'm sorry.”

“It's okay.”

“Did you lie?”
“About what?!” Crappy apology, if you're going to accuse me right away.

“About failing.”
Oh, yeah, the part where I maybe did lie? He always knows, I can't lie to him.“Sort of. I'm good in most of my classes, but English isn't looking too good and I don't even have a hope in Spanish.”

“Did you feel bad when you had to explain about what grade you were in?”

Maybe. I mean, I know Aunt Liz didn't mean anything bad.

“Jemma, I don't care about that, you know that, right?”
Suddenly I feel a little sad. I feel my sinuses burning. “How could I go to school?” And when I did, I couldn't do the homework. I didn't know what was going on! “When I moved in with Beth, they put me in the retard classes. Then I had special teachers. It was only in eighth grade that they started to put me in normal classes for my grade.” 

"So... like, when Randy was talking about taking tests-?"

I nodded, but Drew couldn't see it through the phone. "I hate him. I just wanted to punch him or something!"

“So, what's gonna happen?"

I don't understand what he's asking. If I fail, I repeat those classes. He knows that. “I'm trying. Really.”

I say a quick good-bye on the phone and immediately start crying into my pillow. This is stupid. I don't even know why I'm so upset. I know it's not about school. It's not even about Mrs. Simmons. But I can't stop crying.

I hear Rae giggle and Beth laugh in the living room. I wish James wasn't here. I stay in my room for a while longer, finishing my moping. I'm being stupid. Finally I just wash my face in the bathroom- the make-up I worked so hard on washes down the sink.

James is just about to leave when I come out to be sociable. We say all our good-byes. Beth takes a nap and Rae begs to me put in on some kid's video. Ben and I do a puzzle together. The rest of the evening is quiet, boring.